The start of a new love is something that many of us will never understand. It starts so innocent; with no regard to ones surroundings. I will tell you that the new love that has followed me and tormented me for years is real. It's something that you can't just cast aside and you must address it each time it appears. It always appears more than once and just know its such a yearning. Such an overwhelming feeling. Such a raw display of deep down primate nature.
The point of this and that whole preface is that I've been there and I keep going there, I keep letting the feelings take hold. This is the story of letting go of the convictions that I have let keep me from acting. I acted. It ruined my life, yet it opened it up to new beginnings.
Everything in my life was going so good. I had the white picket fence. I had the 2.5 children. The mini van. The responsible checking and savings. The husband that came home every night. The bed we shared. The love that we made.
But I wasn't happy. There was something missing and it wasn't something that I could place into a category to let the future fix with a few changes to my life. I would get up every morning to make my husband breakfast, put my kids on the bus, and then do whatever it was the model adult in happily married bliss does. I wasn't happy though. I'd been living this life for 8 years and I couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing something bigger.
This whole mess of my life started when I enrolled in classes at a local college. I decided that maybe a degree under my belt wouldn't hurt and since I had nothing better to do during the day, it would help pass the time. I'd been going there for about a year and classes were starting to get smaller and more intense in the subject area of ones choosing. The subject area is unimportant, what is important is him.
We'd been in classes together for over a year and besides every now and again saying hi in passing largely ignored one another. Then one class he sat next to me because of lack of seats on his normal side of the classroom. I finally got to look at him, finally got to talk with him, finally got to get to know him.
This is where the story begins. This is where my life ended. This is where it restarted with a beautiful resonance.
